Dear Professor Blackstone,
My name is Jonathan Phua, and I am a year 1 civil engineering student taking your “Critical Thinking and Communicating” module. Before enrolling in the civil engineering programme, I had studied environmental science at Republic Polytechnic. I made this jump after deciding not to pursue my course of study anymore, believing the engineering sector offers more career opportunities and options compared to my choices in the environmental science sector. Another reason why I had decided to pursue a degree in civil engineering was due to my skill with hands-on learning. I was always able to pick up skills easier after watching other people do it and doing it myself afterwards. I believe I learned this skill from my father, who helped me to change the wheel on my bicycle when I was younger. He proceeded to dismantle the wheel to let me try to fix it myself. Even though the process was grueling, I gained satisfaction from doing something on my own. This has built my interest in picking up technical skills and has led me to pick them up by second nature.
I believe that my strength in communication is that I am able to get my point across with conciseness and coherence. However, this has been proven to be a double-edged sword; I have offended people with my writing by failing to convey my tone of writing. Another weakness that I have trouble with is public speaking, so much so that I would stutter and miss out on key information when I was presenting on a topic. This has led me to sideline myself when it comes to taking initiative when it comes to anything that requires me to speak up.
What I plan to achieve in this module would be to take more initiative and volunteer to present or speak to try fix this long-term issue of mine when it comes to public speaking. Another goal that I have for this module would be to enhance the tone of my writing so that it becomes more amiable by analyzing the different tones of writing that I hope will be presented to me during this module. With these in mind, I hope that similar to the various technical skills I’ve picked up over the course of my life, these skills too would come second nature to me.
Regards,
Jonathan Phua
Edited with Priya’s and Benjamin’s comments. (20th January 2025)
Edited with Professor Blackstone's comment. (4th February 2025)
Read and commented on Benjamin's, Jude's, and Zenden's letters. (18th January 2025)
Jonathan, your email is thoughtful and well-organized. I really appreciate how you’ve taken the time to reflect on both your strengths and areas for improvement. Your self-awareness, especially about the challenges you face with writing and public speaking, is great it shows you're proactive and ready to work on these areas.
ReplyDeleteHi Jude, thank you for the informative feedback and kind words.
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ReplyDeleteHi Jonathan,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your email, it's admirable how you were able to figure out what's best for your future and decide to join the engineering sector. I believe that your hands-on skills will take you far as an engineer in the future. I can definitely relate to your fear of public speaking. I've had similar experiences before so I understand how challenging it can be. I truly hope that your able to achieve your goals of becoming more confident with your public speaking and enhancing of your writing skills through this module.
That being said, there are some things I thought you can improve on such as more depth in your past experiences. For example, "I believe I learned this skill from my father, who had helped me to change the wheel on my bicycle when I was younger." which I felt that was brief as it comes off as superficial. Instead you can expand as to how it left a lasting impression on you or how it expanded your interest in hands-on problem solving. Another I felt that you could improve on your sentence clarity, "However, this has been proven to be a double-edged sword, as I have offended people with my writing as I have failed to communicate the tone of my writing". Instead you can write like, "However, this has proved to be a double edged sword, as I have unintentionally offended others by failing to convey the intended tone in my writing". This avoids the repetition of 'as I have' and improves the structure of the sentence. You also missed out one of the requirements in the email, "demonstrating what makes you who you are, what makes you unique." Include this in and together with slight refinements of your sentences and examples in your email, it will look more professional and elevated.
That's all from me, I look forward to learning and working together with you as blogging buddies this semester!
Best regards,
Priya
Hi Priya, Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. I appreciate the criticisms that you have given and processed them thoroughly. I will use this information you have given me to enhance my writing even further. I look forward to working together as blogging buddies this trimester.
DeleteHi Jonathan,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your introduction letter. Your emphasis on being a hands-on learner is interesting, and the example of learning practical skills from your father adds a personal and relatable dimension to your story. It’s clear this strength has shaped how you approach challenges and develop technical skills.
Your letter provides good context about your academic background and goals for the module. However, elaborating more on specific aspects of civil engineering that appeal to your hands-on nature would create a stronger connection between your skills and your chosen field.
The organization could be refined with smoother transitions, especially between your strengths, challenges, and goals. Also, revising incomplete sentences, like the one in the second paragraph, would improve clarity.
Overall, it’s a nice introduction that effectively conveys your personality and aspirations, with room for improvement in the flow and elaboration of certain topics.
Best regards,
Ben
Hi Ben, Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. I appreciate the criticisms you have given and will take them into account when I write my next email/letter in the future.
DeleteHello Jonathan
ReplyDeleteI am happy after reading your self introduction letter. I too believe that Civil Engineering in SIT does provide more career opportunities and connections across companies and industries in Singapore. I hope to do well in our field of Civil Engineering alongside with you after we have all graduated together.
Warm Regards
Nic Voon
Hi Nic, Thank you for taking the time to read my blog.
DeleteDear Jonathan,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this clear, concise and informative letter. You address the points of the brief in good detail.
You mention, for example, how your dad facilitated your own applied learning by having you change the wheel on your bike. It's fitting that you see this as underpinning your interest in engineering.
I also appreciate you sharing your various comm skills and the aims you have for the module. I can say without reservation that in the weeks ahead you should be able to work on both your speaking in public in public and your writing skills.
In terms of your language use, this letter is a very good effort. There are, however, a few minor areas that I'd like you to take note of:
1. However, this has been proven to be a double-edged sword, I have offended people with my writing by failing to convey my tone of writing. > (comma splice) ?
2. ... a Year 1 civil engineering student taking your “Critical Thinking and Communicating” Module. >
(overuse of caps)
a Year 1 civil engineering student taking our “Critical Thinking and Communicating” module.
3. Regards > Regards, (since you use the comma in the salutation)
I look forward to working with you further this term.
Best wishes,
Brad
Hi Professor Blackstone,
DeleteThank you for taking the time to critique my letter, I hope to learn more under you over this term.
Thank you!
Delete